I wrote this shortly after the incident. I decided not to alter it to preserve the integrity of the experience.
To the woman who made me cry, this is for you.
Congratulations, you proved what a shitty human being you are when you put your selfish desires above my emotional welfare.I walked into your establishment, paid for a specific service, and you used that time to shame me. I cannot adequately express my disappointment in you.
I fluctuate between disappointment in who you represent and anger at the situation. This is a blatant example of just how greedy, self-serving, and ignorant humanity can be.
Let me summarize the encounter for you: You began shaming me, I made it clear that I have a condition that causes this. You continued anyway. I considered getting up and leaving. I forced myself to sit there and take it because I paid for a service, I was not about to let you take that from me. It was wrong of me to stay. I allowed you to dehumanize me, to amplify my flaws, and to disregard a very real condition as if it was a pitiful excuse. I allowed you to make me feel insecure. I was shocked, and part of me believed there was nothing I could do to defend myself. I was also wrong about that.
Did you honestly think hurting me would make me run back to your business? Did you think I was insecure enough to believe the hurtful things you said? Or that I would hate myself enough to beg you to make me pretty again?
Yes, you made me cry. But don’t be mistaken, that does not give you any power over me. As a professional, or as a decent human being, you should have never behaved this way. You had no right to capitalize on my insecurities for your monetary gain. What you did was wrong. It’s that simple.
I have an honest question for you. We were in the same room, your eyes fixated on my face, so how did you miss my tears? I held them back as much as I could, I smiled and told you it was allergies. But you shouldn’t have been surprised when those around us asked you why I was crying. It was my kindness that lied to you, it was your ignorance that allowed you to believe me.
Lesson learned: It is not my job to let you offend me. If you wronged me, I have every right to stand up for myself.
I write this as an open letter. Not for you, but for every other person who has been shamed. For every one who has had their insecurities shoved in their face, do not blame yourself for ‘letting it happen.’ Remember that it’s not you who is in the wrong, but also remember that you have the choice to prevent it from happening again. Do not allow yourself to sit there and take it. Respect yourself enough to spare yourself the abuse.
For those who may inadvertently hurt someone, please just be mindful of your words. Do not point out someone’s flaws. No one needs to be reminded that they have a pimple, or an odd birthmark, or thick body hair, etc. Trust me, they know. They don’t need to be shamed for it.
Above all, love yourself. And make damn sure that no one can take that away from you.
If you are considering or planning to end your life, please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. The Lifeline is a free service, and a trained professional is available to talk to you 24/7. Reach out for help, you are not alone. And you are loved more than you will ever realize.