Ever sit back and think about all you could have accomplished? Not just farfetched and fantasy, but really, if you really gave it your all or tried a little bit harder or even made a slightly different decision, how much more successful would you be right now?
Unfortunately, I’ve been in this mindset for a while. I look at my fellow classmates, graduating and moving on to the next chapter of their life and think about how I could have been right there with them, maybe even graduated before they have. I think about how I entered college with so much ahead of me, the capability of graduating early or even with a double major. Yet, here I am, five years later, still no degree in hand.
I realize this sounds like a pity party, that I just feel sorry for myself, but bare with me here. I want you to know: I know this already. I know how pathetic I sound and how I may seem like I’m “throwing a tantrum” or “sound like a child.” I know how I sound, I know how I look, and I definitely don’t need to hear it from you.
What you need to realize is, I know where these feelings and thoughts derive from. They come from the self loathing of depression and the anxiety that so often goes hand-in-hand with it. It reminds you of all your mistakes, all your faults, and all your misplaced potential. I know all of this, I just need you to understand it too. I need your support in times like these, to remind me that I tried my best, to help me love myself despite this self-hatred. I know it may seem like a bit to ask, to deal with me during my “tantrums,” but believe me when I say I cannot do this alone.