It’s no secret I don’t like doing things. My ideal day off is spending the day laying on the beach or (more often than not) locking myself indoors in front of a screen. I’m not the type of person that likes getting out of the house for fun, enjoys exerting myself, or even enjoys talking to people all that much, to be honest. It’s not that I’m shy, it’s more that I feel that small talk is shallow and a waste of time.
Unfortunately, this mindset does not always have happy consequences in the end. We get wrapped up in our own plans and life, wrapped up in trying to relax and being alone, that we are absorbed by the favoritism of isolation. We end up seeking it and yearning for it and one day we embrace it completely, forgetting how to live again. Forgetting how to interact, how to be sociable and positive and productive.
I used to hate people who acted like nothing was wrong. I thought they were liars and/or in denial. I couldn’t see why they couldn’t be transparent and honest with themselves. At the same time, I was the best at maintaining composure in front of others. No one ever knew anything was wrong unless I wanted them to know. I would never let it impede on my work or in any other part of my life it wasn’t needed in.
Of course, after laying in the isolation slump, you forget how to maintain composure and, most of the time, our true emotions bleed through. We get discouraged at tasks and therefore keep from even trying because we’ve become accustomed to staying away from failure or rejection. We find ourselves in a slump, not moving forward, thinking we’ll never get out or be our same selves again.
Let me tell you, I surely felt this way. More often than not I hated how insecure I was in my abilities and how that insecurity kept me from trying. I thought my depression would hold me back from living again.
I recently started a job where I find myself exhausted 85% of the time. The reason being, it takes more out of me to step out of my comfort zone. I don’t want to relapse, I don’t want to be held back, but it is difficult. If you let your thoughts eat at you, you’ll be devoured before you even start.
That’s why my advice to you is to fake it ’til you make it. I always hated this saying but I recently discovered the truth to it and it amazed me. I pushed myself to go above and beyond, to stay positive despite constant frustrations, to be the best me I can be. I’m not quite there yet but I notice it having an effect on my thought processes, despite how little. Faking it may seem like an unnessary facade that blankets true emotions, but if you try and really put your all into faking this person you want to be, you’ll find yourself slowly becoming it.